I’ve arranged to have a sit down chat with my Mother next week to explain to her my career choice, work, sexuality and interests as I prepare for a pretty big change in my life. While I am confident in my choices, morals and beliefs, this is probably going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do voluntarily- ever. 

I don’t really have any support in person and feel very isolated right now. If anyone who works in the adult industry in any way has advice, words of wisdom or encouragement for me I would really appreciate it. 

As a women who fits / is the following:

• conventionally attractive 
• conventionally attractive in a sexual way (large bust/hips-tiny waist)
• enjoys makeup
• enjoys lingerie, sexualized and ‘sexy’ attire
• openly sexual
• openly displays sexuality
• creates profit from sexuality without exploitation
• true sexual exhibitionist
• a creator of sexual erotic material that is for sale featuring women 
• a ‘sex-positive’ feminist
  (I know the term is problematic but not sure what else to use)

I find it offensive that:

• I am blamed for womens and my own oppression
• I am blamed for violence committed against me 
• I am blamed for women being raped and sexually abused
• I am blamed for sexual slavery and people trafficking 
• I am blamed for women having problems sexually
• I am blamed for society hypersexualizing women
• I am blamed for children having low self esteem
• I am blamed for a rise in STDs and pregnancy
• I am blamed for partners being unfaithful
• I am blamed for ‘distorted’ veiws on sexuality and sex
• I am blamed for ‘fake’ lesbianism and ‘confused’ sexuality
• I am blamed for the fetishization of non heterosexuals and queers

• It is assumed I have no / low self esteem or body image
• It is assumed that I have no standards or am “easy”
• It is assumed my sexuality is only a toy for men
• It is assumed that my choices are not my own
• It is assumed I am influenced by men/patriarchy and have no autonomy
• It is assumed that I was forced into working and am a slave
• It is assumed I am exploitative, abusive and that I am a misogynist
• It is assumed I am uneducated, especially on feminist topics
• It is assumed I don’t care about feminism / womens rights
• It is assumed that when I say I’m not a sex slave I either support slavery or deny it exists

The worst part? Most of these inaccurate and nasty assumptions come from people who should be my allies; my feminist brothers and sisters.

Society is to blame. A lack of education is to blame. Not one single queer woman who naturally happens to be conventionally attractive, whose sexuality entails exhibitionism and visual displays of the erotic, who is confident, TRULY sexually liberated and unafraid. 

I am just being myself; WHO I TRULY AM. 

My sexual preferences and sexual expressions are just that- sexual preferences and sexual expressions. I have complete personal autonomy in all aspects. I am not ‘brainwashed’ or culturally contrived due to patriarchy. No part of me is just a ‘plaything’ for men; including my sexuality. I do not have low self esteem. I certainly have standards. There is no denying that expecting all women to be like me, or being pressed by society to be like me is wrong- but that doesn’t mean I am to blame, nor does it mean that because I enjoy those things personally I am wrong or responsible.

If you beleive I am responsible for the things above and you call yourself a feminist then I suggest you have a look at yourself and your views deep down and assess what feminism really is to you. Because if you think being a feminist is about repressing my sexuality, my sexual freedoms and who I am and then blaming all of societies problems relating to sex on me; I don’t think you are any better than what you think I am- which is apparently some kind of oppressive, sexually messed up monster.

I am a women, I am a feminist and I am a gamer.
I am also incidentally working in the pornography industry.

Lately I’ve noticed something that I believe has become a phenomenon; and that is the intense hatred, dismissal and disregard for ‘sexy gamer girls’ (Who are often referred too as fake gamer girls) and decided to write a post about it.

Here are some excerpts. You can read the full thing on my blog HERE.
(NSFW! Adult Content Warning 18+ ONLY!) 

(NOTE: I’d SUPER appreciate people commenting at the post on my actual blog! But I understand if you can’t as it’s NSFW) 

“As a woman I get ranked on the scale of what a ‘real’ gamer is and my interests and skill are constantly in question simply because of my gender.  I am also judged to a much harsher degree. So what if I don’t like shooters, or once in a while I like to play ‘feminine’ games? To suggest I am not a ‘real’ gamer because I don’t only play games which are ‘men’s games’ like CoD, Starcraft, Halo etc is sexist and ignorant. I am not any less of a gamer for those things, nor am I any less of a gamer because my career and my sexuality are linked.”

“There are so many offensive stereotypes and perceptions about female gamers and even more about adult workers like me who make their hobbies like gaming openly part of their lives or career. The assumption is generally that I’m just some airhead trying to make money off a niche I know nothing about. Except that of course I’m not an airhead and I know exactly what I’m talking about when it comes to things that I enjoy like gaming. “

“Being told that because I’m an adult worker, I should conform to the depthless bimbo stereotype and not discuss, enjoy or include my legitimate passions like gaming into my work because together they are too offensive; is in itself completely offensive. I should not be expected to not follow my dreams, which are inherently linked my sexuality and sexual identity as a respectful exhibitionist, erotica lover and a sexually healthy and liberated person. My work, sexuality, personality, interests and my pursuits are not all mutually exclusive and nor should they have to be.”

“I don’t assume that you are a prude, an elitist, fat, ugly, old, a dyke or any other rude or offensive stereotype because games, sex and the sex industry aren’t you’re cup of tea.

So please don’t assume that I’m some air-headed, disease ridden, talentless (in any way), poser simply because my sexuality, my business and my hobbies interconnect. I am no less of a gamer for being a porn performer than than I am any less of a feminist for liking pink things and unicorns. Slut-shaming, whorephobia and elitism is never ok. Stereotypes hurt all of us.”

msandrogynous:
“That Awkward Moment When You Make a Feminist Post and a Porn User Reblogs It”

The Fucking Irony

Because people who like or are in porn can’t be feminists? 
Ahem. 

For those feminists out there who enjoy pornography (feminist pornography or otherwise); what things if any do you want to know about your porn?

As an amateur feminist pornographer and performer (l hate that term, can we say professional lover? :p), it’s important for me to get the message across that I love my job. I LOVE it. I’ve never been pressured into my job via poverty, drug addiction, self esteem or body issues, abuse, social pressures (raunch culture) or a need for male attention. I know my boundaries and I stick too them. I am always in control of scenes, my business and it’s advertising. I know what I enjoy performing and that’s what I film- nothing more- ever. I never fake orgasm or pleasure and all people I film with always get to enjoy sex with me equally, the focus is never just on some dude getting off. It’s about mutual pleasure, love, laughter and lust.  None of those things will change if I’m offered more money, fame or if times get tough. I am who I am. I love what I love and that’s what I do; because I love it and for no other reason. I work in a safe, sane and consensual environment and I couldn’t be happier about it.

Personally I really struggle to watch ‘normal’ pornography because so often it is sexist as heck and in so many cases the performers aren’t as lucky as me by a large margin. Abuse, drug addiction, poverty, pressure, pimps and degradation are the lives of many who work in the industry. People are forced to have fake sex with people they aren’t attracted too. In many cases going completely against their own sexual orientation (Fake lesbian mainstream porn- ugh.) I just can’t watch the things I enjoy worrying if some poor person is faking a good time when truly they may be uncomfortable, degraded or pressured/forced into doing something they don’t wish to do; for any reason. That is not sexy, it’s horrid. In enough cases those things apply; so I simply can’t enjoy normal porn any more.

As such I can’t watch things I can’t confirm are from reputable companies that are renouned for treating people right and screening performers to be sure they are really the right people for the job. I can’t watch things where performers ‘grin and bear it’. I can’t watch fake horrid gonzo porn where the women smile and say “Oh yeah I love being fucked so hard my twat wants to fall out!” when that’s not the case for them and they feel they have to say those things or they will loose their job and reputation.

From my porn I want to know that all sex is safe, sane consensual, pleasurable for both parties and is real. That’s what I aim to create, and that’s what I’ll be advertising to the world. However, I worry that really people don’t give a shit. I’d like to think that’s not the case however. I hope that people would feel more comfortable viewing adult material if they knew that the people working in the film wanted to be there, and loved it.

(If pornography is your cup of tea):

-Would you enjoy seeing performers writing or speaking freely and consensually about their experiences, confirming that the job was consensual, fun, with a partner they attracted too and pleasurable?

-Would you like to see sites that are truly able to claim those things advertise it (so they are easier to identify and find)?

-Would you like companies, sites and performers to prove those things and if so, how?

-Would you feel more comfortable watching adult material knowing that it ticked those boxes?

-What else if anything would you want to know about the production of your erotica?